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Why I Stopped Being a Clown

On the journey to discovering who I am, I started my own business at 19 or 20 years old. I was a clown for hire for $20 an hour. The career choice was as bizarre as how I chose it.

I wore a handmade clown costume and cheap grease make-up one Halloween and learned how to make balloon animals from a book checked out from the library. A neighbor asked if I could come to her child’s birthday party as a clown. I thought, “This is a good income.” The public relations person for Safeway also saw redeeming qualities in clowning.

Safeway took a handful of volunteers, including myself, and had a clown from Barnum and Bailey’s circus train us in make-up and acting for parades. So, I bought professional make-up and items to go with my costume from a store on Broadway in Tempe, Arizona. For $20 an hour, I was hired at parties. It was the shortest career path in my life.

The first party, not affiliated with friends, was a woman in a wealthy neighborhood. She took my $20 an hour literally and practically pushed me out the door the minute the hour was up with no tip. I changed my rules. I charged $20 an hour for minimum two hours to make the time it took to apply and take off the make up and drive to the destination worthwhile.

A corporation hired me for their annual parties. I had a different costume–long johns, oversize pants, and a tall Cat-In-The-Hat candy striped hat. The sexual harassment and innuendo from the “old men” at the party were more than I could stand. I persevered through it.

Finally, an apartment complex hired me for their party. This was a disaster! It was what ended my career. Their children were out of control and violently grabbed my wig off. Another child took my bag, which had my keys and wallet, disappearing with it somewhere around the complex. The adults watched and laughed. When I was done with the party, retrieved my bag, I took my money and never did another job again, especially for that place.

I think it takes a very special and patient person to put up with the kind of people female clowns encounter. What I loved were the looks I got as I drove my beat-up old chevy car to the next party in full costume. I also enjoyed doing fake magic tricks for small children and making them laugh.

Years later, I would create a ministry called, “Clowns for Christ,” at the church I attended. We even walked in a parade. This, too, had a short life. One person called attention to how much he didn’t like it. With little support, I ended this ministry.

I still know how to do balloon animals and recall how to wear and apply the make-up, though the only item left from my clowning days is my balloon pump. For a church or a ministry, I would do this again. Professionally, I have hung up my big floppy feet and have turned to other more pressing matters. For a little while though, it was fun to have a creative side job that started when I was on the brink of adulthood by accident on Halloween. It is also symbolic of how God will use the creative side of ministry to reach the lost or to bring a smile to the faces of the weary. Just because a ministry doesn’t look like how you would do ministry, doesn’t mean it isn’t legitimate.

Here’s a few creative ministries from WorldVenture:

What strange careers or creative ministries did you do? Explain in the comments.

I Need a Silent Night #Christmas

While Amy Grant sings,

“I need a silent night, a holy night
To hear an angel voice through the chaos and the noise
I need a midnight clear, a little peace right here
To end this crazy day with a silent night,”

…I am driving to work. The rain is falling in gentle sheets and the clouds lay low over the city. My windshield sparkles like Christmas lights, reflecting the headlights of oncoming cars in the rain drops. It’s been a crazy week, and as we near 2017, I can say that 2016 has been hard. A mixed bag of blessings and the death of our dog.

My husband and I have had many conversations in 2016 that sometimes go deep into the night, discussing ministry, being a husband to a missionary, and accepting that, from this point on, nothing will ever be the same. 2016 changed both of us, and I am glad to say, we are growing together as we embrace this new future. As I drive to work, I look over to my left through the wet drivers-side window.

Predawn light hits the low clouds, making a beautiful mixture of pearl gray and dark gray shapes hovering above the casino.

“Thank you, Lord,” I whisper as I focus again on the road. A friend told my husband to take in new experiences, breathe, and remember. Close your eyes, smell the smells, experience and feel the moment you are in. An Andy Andrews webinar said to notice the little things in your life, like the beauty of those clouds and the different shades of gray marked by the glimmer of dawn.

“To end this crazy day with a silent night,” One of the song lyrics say. Silence is overlooked. Being still is almost forgotten. My cat has the being still thing down.

As I make the left turn down a dark side street, I recall him sitting on the arm of our easy chair last weekend, mesmerized by the lights of the tree. He stood there for ten minutes, not moving, being still.

Then, he made me laugh when his little white paw carefully came toward a dangling bulb. Even he has his limits.

This and next week is the deep calm before the rush. As I pull into a parking place and shut off the engine, I look towards my work place. My ministry ends the moment I walk into work and begins again when I go to lunch, when I leave to go home, and when the weekend comes. Investing in online relationships to develop them into something meaningful is time consuming. There’s an urgency here. The church is behind in the digital age. Much work has to be done!

This weekend I am creating two videos on my new desktop: “Miracle on the Mountain,” and a video specific for a church in Chandler (A heart-felt thanks to the folks at Solid Rock Christian Fellowship who contributed to the Christmas Offering. My portion of it helped me get a much needed new desktop that can handle the heavy workloads of online ministry).

I plan on baking this weekend, too. My Christmas Day could be a white Christmas with fresh cinnamon rolls in the oven made from scratch.

Our Christmas was different this year (Grand Canyon backpacking trip) so there are no presents under the tree. Nothing can top the gift God gave us in Luke 2:

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

Chaos and craziness will melt into Christmas peace by the time the weekend arrives.

I can’t promise I’ll be still, but I can promise to be in the moment.

Christmas Eve and Day: I Am Available

I didn’t send Christmas cards this year. With all the communications I do with WorldVenture, the Christmas card becomes meaningless. Social Media makes the Christmas letter unimportant and even extraneous because we’ve already read everything you’ve done this year on your Facebook. What is important, however, is being available for conversations.

If you are having a hard time this Christmas, please know that I am available for private chats, email, or on social media. My phone will be with me.

Christmas Day or Christmas Eve…talk to me. I’m here.

Merry Christmas, Friends!

Now on WhatsApp!

Nikki

Joseph: A Shepherd or Livestock Tending? #Missions #bgbg2

Reading the Bible Like a Love Letter: Genesis 46-47

Joseph said to his brothers and to his father’s household, “Let me go up and inform Pharaoh and tell him, ‘My brothers and my father’s household who were in the land of Canaan have arrived. The men are shepherds, because they own livestock. They’ve brought with them their flocks and herds and everything they own.’ When Pharaoh summons you and says, ‘What do you do?’ say, ‘Your servants have owned livestock since we were young, both we and our ancestors,’ so that you will be able to settle in the land of Goshen, since Egyptians think all shepherds are beneath their dignity.” Genesis 46:31-34

This passage reminds me that, in order to blend with another culture, you have to use different words to describe what you do. Joseph asked his brothers and fathers household to say they tend livestock rather than explain their job title as shepherds.

Genesis 47 shows how Joseph’s brothers and their household didn’t listen. God prepared the way anyway, opening doors that would have otherwise shut, so Joseph and his family could settle in Goshen and be shepherds.

This passage speaks to me. Though my online presence is overtly Christian, God will open doors where He sends me. I have chosen to use different words to describe what I do while maintaining truthful relationships. It’s only practical. Saying I am a mentor is more welcoming than saying I am a missionary. Both words mean the same thing, but are looked at differently according to a person’s worldview.

I’m not in a habit to Bible thump my way into a relationship. A good cup of tea isn’t drunk the moment the tea bag sits in the hot water. It is allowed to steep. Friendships require work and time. Like I said in Friday’s post, Americans aren’t good at this. We want everything fast and distant. Mentoring takes time and requires effort, even pursuit. I’ve had the privilege of mentoring college kids and teens over the years. It is very rewarding, but like everything, it had its end. They moved on, but we remain friends.

Christmas Thoughts

Christmas is slim this year. We had ours early–one big gift so we can get equipment that we need that will be used time and time again. Upgrades are easier to buy than starting from fresh. With IBM offering 25,000 jobs after meeting with President-elect Trump, the economy still feels as if it is rock bottom for us non-profits. Contentment though doesn’t need a lot to be happy.

I’ve always said, Christmas is too commercialized, from Black Friday to Christmas decorations that get put out before Halloween. The tide is turning. 45 stores were closed on Thanksgiving. REI Co-op encouraged people to get outside again this year with their ingenious social media marketing plan, “Will You Go Out With Me?”

We need a bad economy and less money to realize the importance of God and people. Prosperity is always nice and less stressful, but you can forget God. You can also forget the heavy weight of responsibility on the shoulders of those blessed with much. We aren’t meant to hoard our blessings.

Christmas was also not meant to be once a year, but every day for the rest of our lives–living a spirit of generosity. This is why every year we have a Christmas tradition of buying a cup of hot cocoa or coffee for Salvation Army Bell Ringers. They stand outside ringing a bell for hours. Anyone who has to listen to a bell for that long deserves a hot cocoa or coffee, especially on a cold day. Generosity can also be about giving of your time.

I’ve noticed how over-scheduled we are as Americans. Foreigners know us as impatient and in a hurry. Making time for people is not our strength. It’s something we need to work on as Americans. As an over-scheduled and impatient American, the first step towards cleaning up our reputation is attending ERAU’s International Festival on February 25 and the rest of their open-to-the public events.

My goal and hope is to help international students with their needs as newbies in America. With my motor vehicle and administration background, I can help international students with what is needed to integrate here, help them make new friends, and understand English so they can graduate.

Writing For Business Vs. Writing as Mission

Writers work hard to keep their author contracts, sell books, and build their online platform to compete with each other. The difference between a writer who is writing for business and a writer who is writing as mission is vast.

The writer living on support is writing for a different purpose. They are using their writing to bring the Gospel to the farthest reaches of the world. Some writers who are missionaries are using their craft to share stories about the mission field. A writer writing for business is going to go after stories bigger publications will publish. Most stories from the field bigger publications will ignore.

An unknown name won’t bring more readers.
The story may not interest a large portion of their readers.
They may not know how to sensitively write the story so as not to undermine what is happening in that area of the world.

The writer living on support doesn’t have to follow a marketing plan, but they still have to do some marketing. The writer on support shares that in common with the writer doing business. So, the next time you meet a writer living on support to share the Gospel and what is happening in the field, consider supporting them. Don’t feel competitive or put off because you are a writer, too; instead understand how their field is different than your field.

Do you have any objections to a writer living on support versus writing as business?

Fearlessly Looking Forward #bgbg2

It feels like God is nudging me to a cliff. I am standing with my toes over the edge and fearlessly looking out into a grand view. When I look back, I discover I am wearing wings and God has given me the wind in which to fly. 2016 will soon become 2017, and my prayer verse in the CEB of Matthew 4:19 still hasn’t changed. I am still praying for “how.”

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. – John 14:27

With our support down to 14% after exceeding my expectations and appearing to be at 16%, I know I have a lot of work to do, but what I have to fear?

God has opened doors from the time I made a decision to go with WorldVenture to now, and if He has opened doors why should He close them without reaching my goals of 100% support?

I will step through doors that He opens. I will fly on the wind that He provides. 2017 is going to be as busy as 2016 has been with church visits, conferences, possibly school, and individual ministry opportunities.

Will you pray for me?

Support Praise! (Corrected)

“Across northern Africa stretches the largest desert in the world. Yet at its eastern edge is one of the richest and most fertile valleys known to man. The valley of the Nile is not fertile simply because a river flows through it: it is fertile because that river overflows, depositing each year another layer of tropical soil washed down from the jungles of central Africa. The mere flow of our lives is meaningless in the desert world. But the man whose life overflows makes the life of his church as fruitful as the valley of the Nile.” – Henry B. Luffberry (1917-2004)

A mistake was discovered in how someone put in their support amount. We are not at 16% as today originally praised. I will update the numbers soon. It is probably closer to 14%. Help me get to 20% by the end of the month (worldventure.com/nhahn).

Fuller Theological Seminary

Please be praying as I go through the application process. Pray for the following:

I get accepted to get a Certificate of Christian Studies.
The cost is what was advertised and that I can do payments.
Time-wise…I pray the load of classes don’t have a time limit. That I can do what my current schedule can handle and finish it for the certificate in a reasonable amount of time.
That I get great grades!